The ABCs of Wellbeing: What to Add When Life Feels Like Too Much

When life gets stressful, our minds naturally go into problem-solving mode.

What do I need to fix? What needs to stop? What am I doing wrong? How do I get through this? How do I make this feeling go away?

Those questions can sometimes be helpful. But I have found, both in my own life and in my coaching work, that there is another question that can be surprisingly powerful:

What could I add right now that would help me feel a little better?

Not what could fix everything. Not what would magically make the difficult situation disappear. Just what could I add to bring a little more calm, support, connection, courage, or joy into this moment?

Recently, I started thinking about these practices as the ABCs of wellbeing.

A is for Acceptance, Appreciation, and Affection.

B is for Breathing, Being, Beauty, Breaks, Boundaries, Both And, Bravery, and all those little B words that bring us back to ourselves.

C is for Calm, Compassion, Connection, Community, Confidence, and Creativity.

These aren't just strategies for moments when everything falls apart. They are qualities and practices we can intentionally cultivate in everyday life. The more we practice them when life is relatively calm, the more accessible they become when life gets hard.

A Is for Acceptance, Appreciation, and Affection

Let's begin with acceptance.

Stress becomes heavier when we add resistance to reality. We tell ourselves, “This shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't feel this way. My child shouldn't behave this way. My partner should understand me. My career shouldn't be this difficult.”

Acceptance doesn't mean that we like what is happening or that we aren't going to change it. It simply means beginning with what is true.

This is hard.

I am disappointed.

I am tired.

This isn't what I expected.

I don't know what happens next.

Sometimes naming reality allows our body to stop fighting quite so hard against it.

Then we can add appreciation.

When we are stressed, our brains become very good at noticing what is wrong. Appreciation helps widen the lens. What is still good? Who showed up for me today? What did I handle better than I would have a year ago? What small beautiful thing happened in the middle of this difficult day?

Appreciation doesn't erase pain. It reminds us that pain isn't the whole story.

And then there is affection.

Sometimes we need affection from the people we love. A hug. Holding someone's hand. Sitting beside a friend. Cuddling our children. Leaning against our partner on the couch.

And sometimes we need to offer affection to ourselves. Put your hand on your heart. Wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Make yourself something nourishing. Speak to yourself with the tenderness you would offer someone you deeply love.

Ask yourself:

What would acceptance, appreciation, or affection look like for me today?

B Is for Coming Back to Yourself

The B category might be my favorite because there are so many wonderful B words.

Start with breathing.

Before you solve the problem, take a breath. Before you send the email, breathe. Before responding to your child's meltdown, breathe. Before continuing the argument, breathe.

Then practice being.

You don't always need to be doing, fixing, producing, improving, or achieving. Sometimes you need five minutes to sit outside and exist.

Add a little beauty.

Look at the flowers. Notice the birds. Watch a butterfly. Blow bubbles with your children. Read a beautiful book. Take a bath. Listen to music that makes something inside you soften.

Take a break when you need one.

And remember your boundaries. Sometimes the answer to stress isn't becoming better at tolerating everything. Sometimes something actually needs to change.

Practice both and thinking when your mind becomes rigid.

I love my children, and I need a break.

I am grateful for my career, and something needs to change.

I can be compassionate, and I can say no.

I am struggling, and I am making progress.

And finally, bring in a little bravery and boldness.

Sometimes after you calm yourself and listen deeply, you know exactly what you need to do. You just need the courage to do it.

C Is for Calm and Compassion

We often think we need to solve our problems before we can feel calm. Sometimes it works the other way around.

Find a little calm first, and your brain becomes much more capable of seeing possibilities.

Calm might mean breathing, walking, stretching, praying, meditating, listening to music, sitting outside, or simply taking five quiet minutes before deciding what comes next.

Then bring in compassion.

This is especially important when your stress comes with that harsh internal voice:

Why can't you handle this?

Everyone else seems to be doing fine.

You should know better.

You're messing everything up.

Try speaking to yourself differently.

“This is really hard.”

“Of course I'm overwhelmed.”

“I'm doing the best I can with what I have right now.”

“What do I need?”

Self-compassion isn't letting yourself off the hook. It creates a safer internal environment from which growth becomes possible.

C Is Also for Connection and Community

Stress has a way of making us retreat into ourselves.

We think we should be able to handle everything independently. We cancel plans. Stop reaching out. Tell people we're fine. Then we wonder why everything feels so heavy.

Humans are wired for connection.

Call the friend.

Sit with your partner.

Go for a walk with someone.

Ask for help.

Join the group.

Let somebody make you dinner.

Tell someone, “I'm having a hard week.”

And don't underestimate community. Sometimes what we need isn't one deep conversation but the simple experience of belonging somewhere. A neighborhood. A faith community. A group of friends. A class. A volunteer organization. A professional community. People who know our names and notice when we show up.

You don't have to carry everything alone.

C Is for Confidence and Creativity, Too

When we are overwhelmed, we can lose confidence in ourselves.

We start believing, “I can't handle this.”

But look at what you have already handled.

Think about the transitions you've survived, the problems you've solved, the mistakes you've repaired, the things you've learned, and the times you didn't know what you were doing but figured it out anyway.

Remind yourself:

I can trust myself to take the next step.

And then get creative.

Stress often creates tunnel vision. We start believing there are only two options, and neither one feels good.

Creativity asks:

What haven't I considered?

Who could help?

Could I do this differently?

What if there is a third option?

What experiment could I try?

Sometimes creativity means making art, writing, gardening, cooking, dancing, decorating, or building something. Other times creativity simply means approaching an old problem in a new way.

You Don't Need the Entire Alphabet

That's probably my favorite part of this framework.

When you're overwhelmed, you don't need to do all of these things.

You don't need to meditate, journal, exercise, call your best friend, set three boundaries, take a bath, practice gratitude, and reinvent your life before bedtime.

Pick one.

Ask yourself:

What could I add right now?

Maybe today you need an A.

Acceptance.

“This is where I am right now.”

Maybe you need a B.

Breathe. Take a break. Go outside and find something beautiful.

Maybe you need a C.

Call someone. Offer yourself compassion. Get creative about your next step.

And over time, don't wait until you're overwhelmed to practice these things.

Build affection into your relationships. Practice appreciation when life is going well. Create boundaries before resentment builds. Make beauty, books, nature, play, and breaks part of your normal life. Invest in connection and community. Practice self-compassion. Do creative things simply because you enjoy them.

Because wellbeing isn't something we only repair after we lose it.

It is something we build, little by little, in the way we live every day.

And sometimes when life gets complicated, it helps to go back to something very simple:

Remember your ABCs.