When You’re Stressed, Remember Your B Words

Sometimes when we are stressed, the last thing we need is another complicated strategy.

We already have too much happening in our brains. We are trying to get the kids out the door, preparing for an important meeting, worrying about something someone said, staring at an overwhelming to do list, or trying very hard not to lose our patience. In those moments, even the wellness strategies we know can suddenly become difficult to remember.

So I have been thinking about a very simple question:

What if, when life feels like too much, we remember our B words?

Breathing. Being. Bubbles. Baths. Books. Birds. Butterflies. Beauty. Breaks. Boundaries. Bravery. Boldness. Both and thinking.

Some of these words may sound almost too simple. But that is exactly the point.

You don't always need to completely solve your problem in the moment. Sometimes you simply need something that helps you come back to yourself so you can decide what to do next.

Start With Breathing

Breathing may be the simplest B word because your breath is always available to you.

When I am stressed, I often notice that my body has already reacted before my mind has figured out what is happening. My muscles tighten. My thoughts speed up. My patience becomes shorter. Suddenly, a relatively small problem feels enormous.

That is not usually the best moment to send the email, discipline the child, confront the partner, or make the big decision.

So breathe first.

You don't need a complicated breathing technique. Try taking a slow breath in and an even slower breath out. Feel your feet on the floor. Relax your shoulders. Repeat it a few times.

The problem may still be there when you finish, but hopefully you are a little more present for it.

Practice Being Before Doing

Another B word I love is being.

We live in a culture that constantly asks us what we are doing. What are you accomplishing? What are you fixing? What are you producing? What's next?

But sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is stop doing for a moment.

Sit on the porch. Feel the sunshine. Drink your coffee without scrolling through your phone. Look out the window. Put your hand on your heart. Notice what you are feeling without immediately trying to make the feeling disappear.

You are allowed to simply be.

Sometimes five quiet minutes of being gives us more clarity than another hour of frantic doing.

Bring in Bubbles, Baths, Books, Birds and Butterflies

This is where I want stress management to become a little more playful.

What brings your nervous system a sense of comfort, wonder, or delight?

Maybe it is taking a warm bath after the kids go to bed. Maybe it is blowing bubbles with your toddler and noticing how impossible it is not to smile when they chase them around the yard. Maybe it is reading a few pages of a beautiful book instead of spending another 20 minutes scrolling.

Maybe you go outside and notice the birds.

Look for butterflies.

Watch the clouds.

Notice the flowers blooming beside the sidewalk.

There is so much beauty around us that we stop seeing when our attention becomes consumed by stress.

These things do not magically remove difficult circumstances. They help us remember that the difficult circumstance is not the only thing happening in our lives.

There is stress.

And there are birds singing outside the window.

Both can be true.

Take the Break

Sometimes the B word you need is simply break.

I use this frequently in my coaching work because many of us have learned to keep pushing long after our bodies and minds are telling us that we need to stop.

A break doesn't have to mean taking the rest of the day off. It might mean walking around the building before answering an upsetting email. Going outside for ten minutes. Getting a glass of water. Stretching between meetings. Sitting quietly in your car before walking into the house after work.

Parents need breaks too.

If you are becoming overwhelmed during a difficult parenting moment and your child is safe, it is okay to pause. Breathe. Ground yourself. Give yourself enough space to remember the kind of parent you want to be before you respond.

A break isn't necessarily avoidance.

Sometimes a break is what makes a thoughtful response possible.

Remember Your Boundaries

Not every stressor needs to be soothed.

Some need a boundary.

If something repeatedly overwhelms, drains, hurts, or exhausts you, ask yourself whether the answer is really another self care strategy.

Maybe something needs to change.

Maybe you need to say no.

Maybe you need to ask for help.

Maybe you need to stop answering work messages at night.

Maybe you need to tell someone, “I want to continue this conversation, but I don't want to be spoken to that way.”

Sometimes wellbeing isn't about becoming better at tolerating everything.

It is about recognizing what you no longer need to tolerate.

Practice Both And Thinking

This may be one of my favorite B strategies.

When we are stressed, our thinking can become very black and white.

I'm either a good parent or a terrible parent.

I either love my job or I need to quit.

My relationship is either wonderful or something is terribly wrong.

I'm either grateful or I'm unhappy.

But human experiences are much more complicated than that.

Try replacing either/or with both/and.

“I love my children, and parenting is exhausting today.”

“I am grateful for my job, and I need better boundaries.”

“I love my partner, and I am angry about what happened.”

“I am excited about this change, and I am scared.”

“I am doing my best, and there are things I want to do differently.”

Both and thinking creates room for complexity. We don't have to deny one truth in order to honor another.

Sometimes You Need Bravery and Boldness

Not every B word is calming.

Some B words help us move.

Sometimes after you breathe, take a break, and listen to yourself, you realize that you already know what needs to happen.

Now you need bravery.

Maybe you need to have the conversation you have been avoiding. Ask for the raise. Make the appointment. Apologize. Ask for help. Set the boundary. Apply for the opportunity. Tell someone what you need.

And sometimes you need a little boldness.

Stress management isn't always about making ourselves comfortable. Sometimes it is about creating enough internal steadiness that we can courageously address what is making our lives difficult.

Build Your Own B List

The beautiful thing about this practice is that my B words don't have to be your B words.

Maybe yours include baking, biking, basketball, beach, babies, blankets, best friends, backyard, belly laughs, or Beethoven.

Choose words that actually work for you.

Then put your list somewhere you can find it when your brain isn't functioning at its best.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, don't pressure yourself to solve everything.

Ask one much smaller question:

Which B do I need right now?

Maybe you need to breathe.

Maybe you need a break.

Maybe you need beauty.

Maybe you need a boundary.

Maybe you need to let two complicated truths coexist.

And maybe, after all of that, you need a little bravery to take the next step.

You don't have to fix your entire life in one difficult moment.

Sometimes you just need one small thing that brings you home to yourself.